This perspective happens more often now as an adult than it did when I was younger, but every time I see the harmony in my life it's truly remarkable.
Recently I was conversing with a friend about what a struggle it's been up until now to like my body and had a breakthrough. She asked when I first felt this way in my life. I traced it back to a family doctor's sending me off to lose weight because they saw my parents struggled with their weight and therefore I ought to prevent it starting at age 8. Seriously!?
Well, that event planted a 25 year belief in me that I was not okay the way I was born. Therefore I must see a nutritionist, eat "healthy" and exercise to lose weight.
It was not all black and white, but so many bad habits formed from this awful belief.
Friday was treat day and I was allowed any candy I wanted. Due to being put on a diets and rewarded with sweets, I became a closet eater eating for only comfort and a need to feel normal.
My latest breakthrough was a 3 hour conversation with my husband. We talked and talked about my perspective and beliefs growing up. He wanted to know why I had no consistency in my exercise routine. And the conversations forced me to cough up all the junk I'd been carrying with me.
The reasons for why I was the way I was, is because I was taught from a young age that exercise was something you did to lose weight. It was done as a form of punishment or out of guilt. That is why I could stay motivated for three months at a time and then had to quit!
The flip side is that I did get a chance to enjoy sports/movement in my life despite the self punishment. Dancing, Swim Team, Tennis Team, Skiing, Hiking were all normal parts of my childhood. And for this I'm grateful, because now these are the things I enjoy doing most.
My husband said the most simple phrase to me in our conversation - "Jen! It's a privilege to live in your body! Think about those that wish they could run at the park, or jump up and touch a tree branch. YOU can do those things and be so grateful for that!!" This was the shot in the arm I needed. A new perspective, because quite frankly the one I had for 25 years was hurting me.
I've since made a board of pictures and words to express this new perspective on myself. My body is amazing, I'm grateful for how beautiful I am & my strength.
Thank god for long conversations that give us new insight and help flush out old ideas. Fear has moved out and love is in.
Me on Table Mountain, WA - 2004
