Selfish Temper Tantrum

From where I sit, it's easy to think too much and find my day to day happiness in others.
I'm not working full-time and I have no kids to take care of. So here I am stuck with my own thoughts and needs.
The event of a tragedy changes everything. It changes the way you live, the way you operate, the way you think about your life, about yourself, about others and it really changes the way people interact with me. We are the ones it happened to, the ones who are different now because of some horrid event.
So because it's all screwed up on both ends, I get livid when people go on with their lives and forget about us. Insert my own little temper tantrum, thought I of course logically know people don't mean it, they just have lives to lead.
There are so many people that I've reached out to in hopes that they will have us over for dinner, or maybe call to hang out, but they don't. No emails, no texts, no calls. I'm left isolated in my grief.
Besides our loving family, we've only had 1 couple reach out to us and have us over for dinner in the 6 months since losing our son.
I want to send out this memo: Yes, we had something tragic happen to us, but we're okay. We survived it and are in special need of being surrounded by friends and family for at least one year. Please don't hesitate to have us over for dinner, invite us out for a fun event and of course, do NOT be afraid to talk to us about what happened! It's on our brains all the time anyways, so being able to talk about it with you tells us that you care and allows us to keep moving forward with the friendship.

Isolation + Grief = Insanity

Empty The Barrel

I've been laying in bed thinking the words that I ought to write and finally got up and logged into my blog.
There are bad days like today that don't happen too often, but when they do occur, I can't even stand being with myself I'm so miserable.
I wake up and cry, talk to someone, cry, thinking about how others can't respond back to outreach and it upsets me to no end. I'm just not myself and it sucks. It's so uncomfortable because I can't recognize who this grief stricken person is. I seriously want to crawl into a hole and stay there until my mood lifts.
Here I am broken and dysfunctional for the moment. The only thing that sounds good is to empty my barrel of emotions and feelings that have been building up inside of me for weeks.
I gotta take the therapists suggestion and continue to write, continue to clean house and get this stuff out of my mind, out of my body and out of my spiritual realm!
Yes I lost my son and yes this is the reason I feel this way, but what sucks is that I don't even have to be thinking of him to be struck with depression and grief. It's like a wave of sorrow that hits like a weather pattern; today is going to be cloudy with a 90% chance of depression, good luck!
When it gets to this moment, there are no movies, music, aka distractions that work to keep the pain away.
Dump, dump, dump the barrel and get it out Jen!!!