I've been laying in bed thinking the words that I ought to write and finally got up and logged into my blog.
There are bad days like today that don't happen too often, but when they do occur, I can't even stand being with myself I'm so miserable.
I wake up and cry, talk to someone, cry, thinking about how others can't respond back to outreach and it upsets me to no end. I'm just not myself and it sucks. It's so uncomfortable because I can't recognize who this grief stricken person is. I seriously want to crawl into a hole and stay there until my mood lifts.
Here I am broken and dysfunctional for the moment. The only thing that sounds good is to empty my barrel of emotions and feelings that have been building up inside of me for weeks.
I gotta take the therapists suggestion and continue to write, continue to clean house and get this stuff out of my mind, out of my body and out of my spiritual realm!
Yes I lost my son and yes this is the reason I feel this way, but what sucks is that I don't even have to be thinking of him to be struck with depression and grief. It's like a wave of sorrow that hits like a weather pattern; today is going to be cloudy with a 90% chance of depression, good luck!
When it gets to this moment, there are no movies, music, aka distractions that work to keep the pain away.
Dump, dump, dump the barrel and get it out Jen!!!
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