Yesterday I took a short hike here where we live. The trail starts at a parking lot and goes directly into the woods straight uphill. It's a steep initial climb up to the plateau area and a very good exercise for legs and lungs. I set a goal to go to the top where a spot with a wooden bench overlooks the entire valley and the south end of the lake. On a clear day, it's one of the best hiking views around.
I was so proud of myself for making it to the top - I contemplated going only half way, but when I got to that bench, I had a lovely moment. A moment to reflect on where I am in life and what it is I need right now. My intuition was clear while sitting there - it told me to begin this internal journey deep from within. This is for me only and a chance for me to build a loving relationship with myself, my body, my mind. Dig deep from within and listen from within, stay in the moment and you'll do just fine.
There's such a huge difference between doing something for yourself because society says so or because your heart says so. Anything I think I SHOULD do, comes from the logical mind, the mind that says I SHOULD be healthier, I SHOULD eat better etc. When I've operated from that mind, I start off well by counting calories and exercising, but then it never lasts more than a few months because it's not ME. It doesn't feel right for me and my lifestyle. My more authentic heart-mind tells me "I am ready for a change, I am ready for some self-love, just stay in the moment Jen and don't let go or give up. This is going to be a cool journey of exploration and getting to know YOU."
Quite the logical mind and begin to live more in the heart-mind because this is where your true compass resides.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
The beginning of something new
The past 6 years of marriage and trying for our own family has unfortunately brought so much pain and anguish. We feel it physically, mentally and emotionally.
1. A miscarriage at 7 weeks in 2009
2. The unexpected still birth of our son James at 41 weeks (term) in 2010
3. A miscarriage at 15 weeks in 2013
4. A miscarriage at 16 weeks in 2014
I'm done. I'm spent. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm angry. I feel like a vessle of waste - nothing left in me but pain and sadness. All of my babies have died inside of me and my body has somehow failed me, even though I know it's not my fault. In the end after all the tests have been done, we have no answers to why this is happening which is (for a lack of better words) a mind fuck.
After our last pregnancy loss, my intuition spoke loud and clear "Take your body back!! It's time." I want to be in control now, I want to turn my body into a healthy machine, strong and able. It's time to go another direction for awhile and let go of trying for kids naturally.
Organically I've begun to train alongside my cousin Rebecca Johnston because I reached out for help. She meets me with such grace and love - showing me how the exercises can be fun, how it's just for me and nobody else. When I'm working out I'm connecting within, in the present, and building a lasting relationship with my self forgetting about the "story" that lies behind me. Day by day, I see my life being rewritten while I choose what to create for my human experience. And it helps to have a partner, someone to check in with, someone who has the expertise!
This is all new territory for me, and I will continue to post about my journey here as I take it one step at a time through the healing.
1. A miscarriage at 7 weeks in 2009
2. The unexpected still birth of our son James at 41 weeks (term) in 2010
3. A miscarriage at 15 weeks in 2013
4. A miscarriage at 16 weeks in 2014
I'm done. I'm spent. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm angry. I feel like a vessle of waste - nothing left in me but pain and sadness. All of my babies have died inside of me and my body has somehow failed me, even though I know it's not my fault. In the end after all the tests have been done, we have no answers to why this is happening which is (for a lack of better words) a mind fuck.
After our last pregnancy loss, my intuition spoke loud and clear "Take your body back!! It's time." I want to be in control now, I want to turn my body into a healthy machine, strong and able. It's time to go another direction for awhile and let go of trying for kids naturally.
Organically I've begun to train alongside my cousin Rebecca Johnston because I reached out for help. She meets me with such grace and love - showing me how the exercises can be fun, how it's just for me and nobody else. When I'm working out I'm connecting within, in the present, and building a lasting relationship with my self forgetting about the "story" that lies behind me. Day by day, I see my life being rewritten while I choose what to create for my human experience. And it helps to have a partner, someone to check in with, someone who has the expertise!
This is all new territory for me, and I will continue to post about my journey here as I take it one step at a time through the healing.
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