The past 6 years of marriage and trying for our own family has unfortunately brought so much pain and anguish. We feel it physically, mentally and emotionally.
1. A miscarriage at 7 weeks in 2009
2. The unexpected still birth of our son James at 41 weeks (term) in 2010
3. A miscarriage at 15 weeks in 2013
4. A miscarriage at 16 weeks in 2014
I'm done. I'm spent. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm angry. I feel like a vessle of waste - nothing left in me but pain and sadness. All of my babies have died inside of me and my body has somehow failed me, even though I know it's not my fault. In the end after all the tests have been done, we have no answers to why this is happening which is (for a lack of better words) a mind fuck.
After our last pregnancy loss, my intuition spoke loud and clear "Take your body back!! It's time."
I want to be in control now, I want to turn my body into a healthy machine, strong and able. It's time to go another direction for awhile and let go of trying for kids naturally.
Organically I've begun to train alongside my cousin Rebecca Johnston because I reached out for help. She meets me with such grace and love - showing me how the exercises can be fun, how it's just for me and nobody else. When I'm working out I'm connecting within, in the present, and building a lasting relationship with my self forgetting about the "story" that lies behind me. Day by day, I see my life being rewritten while I choose what to create for my human experience. And it helps to have a partner, someone to check in with, someone who has the expertise!
This is all new territory for me, and I will continue to post about my journey here as I take it one step at a time through the healing.
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