Mothers Society Membership

I've been telling this story and feel it ought to be on the blog!

I recently attended a friends bridal shower in a lovely old home built in the 1940's, originally built in cape cod style as an art gallery. The home was well worth the trip and was the quintessential setting for an afternoon celebration. Mimosas, pear trees with white petals falling off the trees, & appetizers served in endives. Lovely surroundings, but I felt "off."

Here I was in the nicest clothes I could find (black cotton Target skirt, lose purple top to hide my pudge and flip flops). Socializing was a bit difficult, feelings of displacement crept up all day. At one point we went around the room to introduce ourselves and mention how we knew the bride. I hadn't been in a situation like this since losing my son so I wasn't sure how to BE. During conversations, I hoped no one asked me if I had kids or what not. Especially in a setting where we were on our best behavior and probably shouldn't talk about things such as dead babies.

At the end of the shower, there was a contingent of ladies in the hallway - the older generation on one end and the younger crew on the other. Us younger gals were listening to the moms talk about the Mothers Society. Directed at a their young family member with 2 kids - "Well she's not really a part of the Mothers Society yet. She hasn't suffered enough! She had a perfect pregnancy and then an easy delivery, so no, she's not a member yet."

I stood there stunned my heart about to jump out of my chest. I could NOT hold back the tears in my eyes and began worrying about making a scene as I quietly wiped my tears with the hopes of not being noticed. The dialog in my head was saying - "This could be so bad! One of those moms could turn and ask me what's wrong, or anyone could and then they'd have to find out what happened to me! I don't want to make a scene and ruin a great shower for my friend. Jen pull it together until you get to the save haven of your car!"

In my therapeutic fantasy, here's what I really say to those moms -
"She gave birth to live babies!!! That deserves membership I think!!! What about me? Have I suffered enough to gain membership? Or do I not qualify since my baby died?"

Fortunately - I made a clean escape without making a scene and cried all the way home to make a call to my mom for some much needed conversation. Unfortunately - that incident was a wreck I did NOT see coming.